Am I changed?
07 December 2008
I know I've not been blogging. Aww, this isn't what I planned to. I said I'll be blogging excessively didn't I? Sorry that I haven't been doing what I intended to as I've been pretty busy nowadays.
Fret not, luv, I'll be catching up with my updates soon! Don't be surprise if I post like about 1-2 blog entries each day yeah! Ahahahas.
There's SO MUCH I haven't blog about yet. When I say SO MUCH, I mean SO MUCH. Wait, I didn't confuse you, did I? Oh, never mind! You'll know if you read my blog tomorrow! I'll be keeping myself awake tonight just to blog!
So, yup, stay tune! =)
From 5thDec to 7thdec at church's camp so I didnt post. And I don think I want to say too much for the camp, cus I'm so tired. Sorry. Really sorry.
But there's something I want to say about church. After seeing some p6 students going to youth services, I'm scared. Cus next year my turn. I'm really scare. Really. Am I change inside? Thats my question. I'm finding the reason. Youth, is the thing that I scare, I must hang out with big children, teenage and maybe adults. I wouldnt get use to it. Maybe, maybe not. I thought deep.
Very,very deep. But no answer. Praying hard. My parents arent christian, you know? But since k2, I've accpected christ as personal lord and savior, I'm proud of it, I'll never regret it.
Never. And never will.
Alright, I shall get to the main point of this very blog entry.
The reason why I am blogging about this is because these thoughts had been flashing across my mind for a few days and I'm still bothered by it. So, to release myself of being troubled, I shall blog about it. Hope it helps. ^o^
Why let bygones be bygones?
For one simple reason, luv, to release myself from hating. Y'know what? I'm doing this for me, not them. I don't believe in holding grudges so I shall let myself off. Revenges may be tempting but then again, consequences comes next, remember?
I believe in karma. Yeah, the what comes around goes around stuffs. =)
Why should I bother wasting my energy and time when karma will definitely punish them for their wrongdoings? Am I right or am I wrong?
Yes, I'm not a saint, I used to be pretty vengeful. I hardly ever let anyone off for messing with me, be it directly or indirectly.
That was all in the past though as I've adopted a new mindset towards people who did me wrong before or people who dislike me recently. I'm willing to let go of the past me and past grudges and move on with life.
I've had conversations regarding this topic with a few people and they've all gave me different points of views which led to me thinking even further.
Right, being forgiving doesn't pay off most of the time.
Most people doesn't know how to appreciate kindness when they are offered. Don't deny it, luv. Can anyone admit that they have NEVER take anyone for granted before? No. However, to contrary to that, most of us take people for granted sometimes, be it consciously or subconsciously.
Even worse, some people even treat others as if the whole world owes them a living. Am I right, sweeties?
Yes, even so, what's wrong with being nice?
Who knows? There might be people who are genuinely nice out there even though there are even more mean ones. Being nice doesn't hurt. =)
Right, being nice to mean people doesn't pay off. This, I cannot agree to it more! As I mentioned above, these sort of people do not know how to appreciate kindness when they are offered.
But then again, I don't live for them. I don't need to be mean to them just because they are mean to me. They don't owe me a living, neither do I.
Why? Because they hate me and I don't care about people who dislike me.
People who will grow to like me as a person, they will. And vice-versa, people who chose to dislike me as a person, they will too.
As long as I know I did not do anything awful to them and my conscience is as clear as pure water, who cares if they hate me? They are merely displaying how shallow and superficial they are.
Too bad for them, I don't care about shallow and superficial people. =)
Anyone can talk trash about me behind my back, I may not even know all that but if I ever stumble across the other side of you one day, rest assure that I will not bite because I know I'm not a bitch, unlike you.
All the ugly rumours y'all heard about me might be true but then again, it could be as fake as that very bitch who told you.
If anybody hate me just because they heard something awful about me, it simply shows off how naive they are so why should I waste my time bothering about people who are immature? =)
Okay, back about letting bygones be bygones.
Yes, in other words, I mean forgive and forget. Why should I forgive those who did me wrong in the first place, you ask. Yeah, good question. Why?
Do they even deserve it, you continue probing. But does it matter? No. Because I repeat, I am doing it for me, not them. I'm just sparing myself from the trouble of playing stupid mind-games with equally deluded people, you see.
Anyway, I kinda miss the past when I used to have so many closer friends.
Yes, its true that I still have some of them with me now but still, I kinda miss some of my formal friends which I chose not to forgive last time.
If time could rewind, I will never jump to conclusions like before.
Of course, I know its already too late to be regretting things I did impulsively as I am hot-tempered and not to forget, extremely stubborn when I'm raging in anger. So, yup, I'll forgive and forget every single flaws of them and wrong things that they did to me now.
I know everyone have a reason for doing things that they did. There might be something I don't know in between so, I repeat, I'll forgive them.
As for to reconcile or not, I'll leave it to fate. Cheers!
